A handshake can be a friendly or professional greeting, but grip strength does not tell you whether someone is honest, capable or respectful. The earlier version of this article put too much weight on a firm handshake. There is a more useful lesson to pass on to children: acknowledge people courteously and respect their boundaries.
Offer a greeting, not a demand
A hello, a wave or a nod may be enough. If you offer your hand and someone does not take it, move on without making them explain. You do not know whether pain, disability, sensory needs, culture or simple preference is involved.
Let children choose comfortable contact
Do not force a child to shake hands, hug or kiss somebody to prove good manners. Help them find another way to greet the person. An illustrative prompt is: “Would you like to say hello or wave?” The same courtesy applies when another person does not want contact with them.
If both people choose to shake hands
Keep the interaction comfortable. Do not squeeze to demonstrate strength or turn it into a competition. Stop if the other person withdraws. There is no need to judge somebody’s confidence from the feel of their hand.
Show respect in what follows
Listen, use the person’s preferred name where known, give them room to speak and follow through on what you agree. These are practical behaviours you can model without making assumptions about eye contact, posture or physical ability.
Keep the wider lesson simple
You can teach courtesy and bodily boundaries together. For more everyday examples, read respect, boundaries and asking for help and raising sons who treat people with respect. No one needs to perform toughness to deserve a polite welcome.
Updated 10 September 2026.
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