Sometimes the hardest thing about opening up is not finding the words. It is wondering what the other person will do with them.
Will they interrupt? Tell you to look on the bright side? Explain that they have had it worse? Turn something you are still trying to understand into a list of things you should have done differently?
Advice has its place. But there are times when a man wants room to finish a sentence before anyone tries to solve his life.
That is the angle we are exploring in today’s Daddies Do Too men’s mental health spotlight: Mentell and its approach to listening.
What is Mentell?
Mentell is a UK charity offering free talking circles for men aged 18 and over, online and in person. Its stated approach is to provide a space without judgement or advice. These are not groups exclusively for fathers.
Think of this as one possible route into connection, not a verdict on what every man needs. A circle may appeal to you immediately, or it may be something you want to understand before deciding whether to try it.
What does listening without advice mean?
Mentell’s seven principles cover safety, confidentiality, respect, freedom from judgement, no commitment, no advice and no pressure. Members can share their own experiences without directing how someone else should think or feel. Speaking is a choice.
That distinction is worth sitting with. “Here is what happened to me” is different from “Here is what you need to do”. One offers experience; the other can take over a conversation.
Imagine admitting that you feel stretched between work and home. You might not be asking anyone to tell you to change jobs, leave a relationship or reorganise the family. You might first need to hear yourself say that the current situation is hard.
These are examples of why the model may appeal, not a report from a session we have attended. No participant stories have been invented for this article.
What can you expect from a circle?
Mentell’s current FAQs say circles are led by volunteer facilitators who complete its internal training. Sessions last two hours, including a short break. The charity describes a typical group as five to twelve men, depending on sign-ups. You do not have to attend every week or speak during a session.
The practical implication is that you do not need to arrive with a prepared speech. Reading the principles beforehand may help you understand the expectations. If something about the format worries you, ask Mentell directly before signing up.
Do not assume an online circle and a local circle have identical joining arrangements. Use the current information for the session you want, rather than relying on a time or venue copied into an old social post.
How to take the first step
Start with the official Mentell website and follow its circle finder or sign-up route. Choose online or in-person support, check the date and read any joining instructions.
Before choosing a local session, consider travel time, parking or public transport, step-free access if needed and whether the full session fits your responsibilities. Ask about anything that is unclear. An honest question about access is not making a fuss.
For an online circle, think about where you can participate without being overheard. Headphones can help with sound, but they do not make an open-plan room private. Avoid joining while driving or doing a task that needs your full attention.
If you book and then cannot attend, let the organiser know. You are dealing with real people making space available, and a place you no longer need may be useful to someone else.
Why this may matter when you are a dad
Parenthood creates plenty of conversations about what needs doing next. Who is collecting the children? Has the nursery bag been packed? Can that bill wait? Who can cover bedtime?
Those conversations matter. But they are not always the same as having time to say how you are doing.
If that sounds familiar, it does not mean your family has failed you or that you should avoid talking at home. It may simply mean you would value another place to think aloud, away from the immediate decisions that family life keeps producing.
You can care deeply about your partner and children while finding some feelings difficult to explain. You can also want company without wanting to discuss fatherhood at all. You are more than a role.
A practical conversation at home might be: “I want to try a talking circle. Can we work out how I can have that time?” If you share caring responsibilities, make room for the other person’s needs too. Support should not become another competition over who has earned a break.
Confidentiality is important, but ask about its limits
Mentell places confidentiality among its core principles. That is a reason to read its guidance, not a reason for us to promise absolute secrecy on its behalf. Ask the organisation how safeguarding works and when information might need to be shared.
As a participant, respect other men’s privacy yourself. Do not record a session, take screenshots or repeat someone’s story outside the group. If you later want to talk publicly about your own experience, keep other people’s identities and disclosures out of it.
A talking circle is not a replacement for every kind of help
Listening and companionship can have a place alongside other support. Do not treat a circle as a substitute for professional assessment or treatment you need, or as a reason to delay urgent help.
Equally, using professional care does not make peer connection irrelevant. You do not have to choose one identity: a man who talks to peers or a man who asks for clinical help. Different support can meet different needs.
Cannot keep yourself or someone else safe? Call 999 or go to A&E. See NHS urgent-help guidance. Samaritans: 116 123, free, day or night.
You do not have to fill every silence
If Mentell sounds worth exploring, your next step can be small: read the principles, check the current circles and ask a practical question.
You do not have to promise that you will talk about everything. You do not have to know exactly what is wrong before finding out whether the setting suits you.
And if it is not the right fit, that is useful information, not a personal failure. The point of this week’s series is to make different options visible, including online groups, local meetings, practical communities and walking groups.
For a man who is used to being interrupted by the next responsibility, having somewhere to finish a thought may be a worthwhile place to begin.
Illustrative AI-generated image, not a photograph of the organisation or an actual group meeting. This is independent Daddies Do Too editorial coverage, not a partnership or endorsement.
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